Pigeons in designer suits interviewing themselves. «Tell me, as the greatest pigeon actor of your pigeon generation, what was it like to portray a pigeon in ‘Pigeons in the Window’» – «You tell me» *stupid smirk*, *shared laughter *crowd (of pigeons) goes wild

«I noticed your extra fancy dress today, and that made me think of something somebody said. Do you agree with the theory that wearing so-called fancy clothes don’t revaluate what you really are, but worse: they make you look like somebody dressing in an attempt to achieve the effect, but effectively making themselves look like somebody dressing to revaluate themselves, making themselves look like even less than what they are?» – «I never thought of that.» – «Me neither» *shared laughter (Some pigeon in the audience yells: «There’s no way out! It’s a conundrum!» *crowd laughter gets louder). «I mean, what am I supposed to do. Be naked? Be just in my feathers? Dress trashy? Or look boring? I’m certainly not going to defend my appreciation of finer things. I’m an actor!» *crowd laughs, loud coo’ing, some pigeons in the farthest row are randomly tattering each other

«Who on set had the best coo?» – «Well, .. that’s difficult to say without stepping on anyone’s talons.. *raising eyebrows *crowd laughs (because there is a lot of talons-on-stepping in the movie) – but.. oh what the hell: it’s me. I have the best coo.» *crowd loses it laughing and coo’ing, feathers are drifting in the air

«Where did you poop off camera during the shoot?» – «Oh, the pooping you see in the film is real! All the pooping was done by us actors, most of us refused to have poop doubles, we wanted to make it as real as possible, so I didn’t poop off camera, all the pooping went into the film. Sometimes we had to hold it until action, so it was.. you know, it was hard. But worth it. And I think it comes accross when you see the film.» *crowd applauds

«Who are some of your idols and influences as an actor?» – «Oh!» *crowd laughs – «That’s difficult to answer, because there are so many of them. I’d say, naturally, every pigeon ever, aswell as myself.» *crowd stays absolutely quiet

«Ok, the next question is perhaps the wrong thing to ask the star of the movie, but.. well, it’s a technical question, and I’m a bit of a film and theater nerd myself, so..» – «Uh oh!» *crowd laughs – «Ok, my question was, .. how did you achieve that relentless, unbearable background noise? The story, ‘Pigeons in the Window’ takes place in a really small town that has absolutely nothing going on and can be crossed on foot in 40 minutes, but the noise sounds like the central hub for all motorized street and air traffic in the world, at all times, through-out the entire movie. Did you have actual traffic roar about or was it added later? Like, with looped recordings from New York or similar places?» – «Ah! Yes. Good question. No, that’s all real fake traffic. “Real fake traffic”, hahah.. *crowd mildly laughs – yes, there were an infinity of operators driving and flying vehicles absolutely everywhere all over town at all times through-out the entire shot. Even during breaks, so that we wouldn’t slip out of character and lose the general atmosphere of the movie. New York per instance is really quiet in comparison. We wanted to achieve something special instead, like something out of Twilight Zone *laughs.» – «I could tell what you were going for! It’s amazing. And all that constant, idiotic yelling and the empty, speech-like but far too idiotic-sounding vocalizations coming from nowhere but everywhere, are those real people doing that?» – «That one I can’t answer. I never got insight into the human department. But, yes. There’s a lot of that, too. All in all the shot of the movie took 5 years, so.. you can imagine. It cost a fortune, a FORTUNE to keep those vehicles in the air and on the road 24h a day for 5 years and make this seem real. It actually was real.» – «Wow. Just wow. I am stunned by that revelation and at a loss for words. I hoped that would be the answer, and for a few seconds you just made me the happiest nerd pigeon in the world» *both laugh cordially

etc.